Enneagram Eights: Lion

No one is likely to ask why I chose the lion to represent Enneagram Eights. But little did I know when I began my research how uncannily similar they are!

The lion aura
The lion (Panthera leo), one of the four big cats in the genus Panthera, is a magnificent animal that appears as a symbol of power, courage, and nobility on family crests, coats of arms and national flags in many civilizations.

Lions live for ten to fourteen years in the wild, while in captivity they can live longer than twenty years. In the wild, males seldom live longer than ten years, as injuries sustained from continual fighting with rival males greatly reduce their longevity. Although adult lions have no natural predators, evidence suggests that the majority die violently from humans or other lions. Lions often inflict serious injuries on each other, either members of different tribes encountering each other in territorial disputes, or members of the same tribe fighting at a kill.

Enneagram Commentary: Eights, like lions, have an aura, just in their very presence, even when they are not talking or roaring. And both are symbolic, often getting power and courage projected on them. Like most projection screens, lions and Eights give ample stimuli for these projections. But, they fight so much, they often have premature deaths. In Sandra Maitri’s book, she speaks to Eights having special issues with death – a fear of it and a sense of deadness inside them that gives fuel to their intense energy and over-aliveness.

Lion’s importance
Lions are apex and keystone predators, although they scavenge as opportunity allows. Apex predators (also known as alpha, super-, top-level predators or top predators) are predators that have no predators of their own, residing at the top of their food chain. Keystone predators are ones that have a disproportionately large impact on their environment relative to their numbers. Their role in the ecology of their ecosystem is much like the keystone of the architectural arch. Even when the keystone arch is under the least pressure of any of the stones in the arch, the arch will collapse.

Enneagram Commentary: Here we find that lions are really important to their eco-systems, playing a key role in the existence of all. Are Eights the same way in the human eco-system? Are they the top of the food-chain? Are they the “keystone”? I think many Eights think of themselves this way: if you want something done, give it to them. What about the rest of us? You take your chances on its getting done well, right, and in a big way.

Size and intimidation
Weights for adult lions range between 150-250 kg (330-550 lb) for males and 120-182 kg (264-400 lb) for females.

The mane of the adult male lion, unique among cats, is one of the most distinctive characteristics of the species. It makes the lion appear larger, providing an excellent intimidation display; this aids the lion during confrontations with other lions and with the species' chief competitor in Africa, the spotted hyena. Females do not have manes. Not all male lions have manes, but most do! Females use strategic stalking to intimidate.

Enneagram Commentary: Like lions, Eights make themselves big. What is the Eight’s mane? The voice tone (big and bigger). The Eight’s body movement (forward, back, and powerfully still). Eights also use strategic stalking, perhaps not literally, but they are masters of political intrigue, influencing, and potent strategy.

Command and control
The lion is the only member of the cat family with a tasseled tail, which serves a purpose beyond aesthetics. It's often used to signal to other members of the pride, with messages ranging from directional, "this way" commands to flirtatious, "come hither" invitations!

Enneagram Commentary: Although this is a short section, it just seemed too amusing not to have a place all its own. A lion uses its tail to command other lions, so what do Eight use? Eights use direct commanding language, but also body-energy and body language. When Eights want us to do something, it is very clear in their intensity, and when they are pleased or (as is more often the case) displeased, their body-based intensity also makes it clear. Do Eights use their “tail” to act in a flirtatious way? Lust is covered in the next section.

Lust
For the lion and lioness couple, it's all about quantity, not quality. Though romps usually only last for 10 seconds, the process is repeated up to 40 times a day – now that's stamina! When males take over a pride, they usually kill the cubs. The females come into estrus and the new males sire other cubs.

Talk about a glutton! A lion will eat around 40 pounds of meat in one sitting on average. It then follows up its meal with the ultimate food coma, as it snoozes post-gorge for up to 24 hours.

Lions spend much of their time resting and are inactive for about 20 hours per day. Although lions can be active at any time, their activity generally peaks after dusk with a period of socializing, grooming, and defecating.

Enneagram Commentary: The Eight’s passion is lust, an excessive need for something as a way of denying whatever causes them anxiety, and this lust can be in the reproduction realm, but also other areas: sleep, work, exercise, shopping, and more. So it appears that lions and Eights share the same lustful quality.

Socio-political social system
Lions are predatory carnivores who manifest two types of social organization. Some are residents, living in groups, called prides. The pride usually consists of five or six related females, their cubs of both sexes, and one or two males (known as a coalition if more than one) who mate with the adult females (although extremely large prides, consisting of up to 30 individuals, have been observed). The number of adult males in a coalition is usually two, but may increase to four and decrease again over time. Male cubs are excluded from their maternal pride when they reach maturity.

The second organizational behaviour is labeled nomads, who range widely and move about sporadically, either singularly or in pairs. Pairs are more frequent among related males who have been excluded from their birth pride. Note that a lion may switch lifestyles; nomads may become residents and vice versa.

Males defend the pride's territory, which may include some 100 square miles (259 square kilometers) of grasslands, scrub, or open woodlands. These intimidating animals mark the area with urine, roar menacingly to warn intruders, and chase off animals that encroach on their turf.

The area a pride occupies is called a pride area, whereas that by a nomad is a range. The males associated with a pride tend to stay on the fringes, patrolling their territory. Why sociality – the most pronounced in any cat species – has developed in lionesses is the subject of much debate. Increased hunting success appears an obvious reason, but this is less than sure upon examination: coordinated hunting does allow for more successful predation, but also ensures that non-hunting members reduce per capita caloric intake, however, some take a role raising cubs, who may be left alone for extended periods of time.

The male or males associated with the pride must defend their relationship to the pride from outside males who attempt to take over their relationship with the pride. Females form the stable social unit in a pride and do not tolerate outside females; membership only changes with the births and deaths of lionesses, although some females do leave and become nomadic. Sub-adult males on the other hand, must leave the pride when they reach maturity at around 2-3 years of age.

Enneagram Commentary: Here the Eights operate so much like lions some Eights are more tribal (the social subtype Eights) and some are more solitary/nomadic (the self-preserving Eights), and all Eights form coalitions, especially among and between dominant Eights. Yes, some Eights are more dominant than other Eights, and they can easily sense this in one another. Are Eights territorial? If you think not, you may have never seen an Eight defend his or her territory, which is often as big as they can make it and still control it. Eights also determine who is inside and who is outside their territory and, thus, within their protection zone. Have you ever tried to get an Eight to change his or her mind about someone? While not impossible, it is improbable, particularly if the Eight thinks poorly of someone.

The hunt
In typical hunts, each lioness has a favored position in the group, either stalking prey on the "wing" then attacking, or moving a smaller distance in the center of the group and capturing prey in flight from other lionesses. After the hunt, the group effort often degenerates to squabbling over the sharing of the kill, with cubs at the bottom of the pecking order.

Enneagram Commentary: For Eights, like lions, almost everything is a battle or a hunt. Enough said, except it is interesting that lions let their cubs feed last. I think Eight lionesses would let their cubs feed first, but this highly protective mothering behavior is described more in the next section!

Socialization and communication
Lionesses in a pride often synchronize their reproductive cycles so that they cooperate in the raising and suckling of the young (once the cubs are past the initial stage of isolation with their mother), who suckle indiscriminately from any or all of the nursing females in the pride. In addition to greater protection, the synchronization of births also has an advantage in that the cubs end up being roughly the same size, and thus have an equal chance of survival. If one lioness gives birth to a litter of cubs a couple of months after another lioness, for instance, then the younger cubs, being much smaller than their older brethren, are usually dominated by larger cubs at mealtimes – consequently, death by starvation is more common amongst the younger cubs.

When resting, lion socialization occurs through a number of behaviors, and the animal's expressive movements are highly developed. The most common peaceful tactile gestures are head rubbing and social licking, which have been compared with grooming in primates. Head rubbing – nuzzling one's forehead, face, and neck against another lion – appears to be a form of greeting, as it is seen often after an animal has been apart from others, or after a fight or confrontation. Males tend to rub other males, while cubs and females rub females. Social licking often occurs in tandem with head rubbing; it is generally mutual and the recipient appears to express pleasure. The head and neck are the most common parts of the body licked, which may have arisen out of utility, as a lion cannot lick these areas individually.

Lions have an array of facial expressions and body postures that serve as visual gestures. Their repertoire of vocalizations is also large; variations in intensity and pitch, rather than discrete signals, appear central to communication. Lion sounds include snarling, purring, hissing, coughing, meowing, woofing, and roaring. Lions tend to roar in a very characteristic manner, starting with a few deep, long roars that trail off into a series of shorter ones. They most often roar at night; the sound, which can be heard from a distance of 8 kilometres (5.0 mi), is used to advertise the animal’s presence. Lions have the loudest roar of any big cat.

Enneagram Commentary: Lions are extremely expressive and use a variety of forms, just like Eights. Lions look scary (like many Eights do to other people, thought this depends on the other), but they also appear to be pretty cuddly. When on safari, our guide told us a story of a man from Korea who thought the lions looked so sweet that he got out of the vehicle to have someone take his picture with the lions. They ate him immediately! Almost everyone on our safari had a similar reaction to the lions. We knew they were dangerous, but we all wanted to reach out and pet them. This would not have been a good idea.

Lion joke
Question: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
Answer: Let us prey.

Enneagram Commentary: This is a bad joke, but a funny one. But it also describes the worldview of the Eight: Eat or be eaten!

Reflections on Projection | Part 3 | Claudio Naranjo’s Ennea-type Symposium 2012 | Brazil

Since my time in Brasilia, I have been mostly reflecting on the concept of evil: What is evil, are corporations evil, are leaders and consultants who work with them evil? I always do that: I reflect on things said even if I don’t agree with them at the time, just to see what’s inside me on that topic that I may not be considering.

Not so long ago (12 years ago to be exact), I didn’t think too much about evil because my mindset was more like this: human beings come into this world neither good nor evil, so if people do “bad” things, there is something where they got distorted early-on. This mind-set is very Twoish, a distortion of reality. Then, a friend of mine who had recently married, then soon divorced, told me that her husband was evil. However, when she shared what she thought was evil about him, nothing she said seemed evil to me. Just to give you a flavor of her comments, she had waited a long time to get married and expected she would marry a highly spiritual person who would engage with her in a spiritually-based marriage. Her complaint was that he was rather common and boring, and that he had deeply disappointed her; hence, he was evil because she was so miserable being married to him.

I realized that I knew very little about evil and the above example didn’t give me much insight into the nature of it because his behavior did not seem evil by any definition I could find. I began reading “A Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck, and a particular section of the book grabbed my attention. Peck says that western society has relegated evil versus good to the religious domains, with secular society absenting itself with evil even when it is there. He also says (and this idea I have kept with me forever) that some people appear “evil,” but are not, while others appear “good,” but are not. His example is a serial killer, some of whom are evil and some of whom are not. Similarly, he speaks of people who appear to be doing good in the world but are fundamentally not so. His differentiating remark, that which distinguishes someone who is “good” from another who is “evil,” is this: does the person eat away (“nibble”) at the soul of others in order to feel good or satisfied themselves? This has been helpful when I work with people whose parents were just not very good parents, versus those whose parents took pleasure (conscious or unconscious) in nibbling at the souls of their young.

So when the idea of “evil” came at me in Brasilia with an energy that was hot and cold in alternating waves, I took notice, recognizing that if I had not been really centered, the energy could have easily knocked me over. Since that time, I have been wondering about the “organizations as evil” idea. Directly after Brasilia, I went to San Francisco to do a day’s work with an existing client, a leader, who I hadn’t seen in a year. Throughout the day, I wondered this: Is he evil and I don’t see it? Right in front of me was a man who was using the Enneagram so well for his own development and his team’s that there was goodness emanating every moment from both him and the group. They were thrilled to have someone as honest, transparent, trustworthy, and real as their leader; without exception, the team was clearly effective and had high, high integrity.

This made me even more sure of what I had been thinking about from my experience in Brasilia. The categorical and absolute use of the word “evil” to describe each and every organization (and leader) felt like a projection of a major order. Maybe that’s why I didn’t take it personally, either at the time or later on.

Since then, my mind has been wandering to the nature and importance of projections in general, Enneagram projections in particular, and also projections within psychological or spiritual communities (even religious groups). As a Gestalt-trained professional, I am well-versed in the notion that we all project, especially those attributes that are true about ourselves and that we, for a variety of reasons, don’t want to accept about ourselves (the Gestalt term is “own”). For the most part, these projected qualities are ones we perceive as negative, but can also be attributes we admire (and therefore perceive in others but not in ourselves). For integration and wholeness, it is essential we “re-own” these projected items.

In Enneagram terms, each ennea-type projects qualities onto others that do not conform to their self-concept and always labels these as negative. Jerry Wagner, in his new book “Nine Lenses on the World,” does a comprehensive job of identifying these type-based projections. For example, Twos perceive themselves as “the loving person,” so they project selfishness onto others, but the problem is Twos end up believing that “self-care,” which they dearly need, is “selfish.” Nines project “pushiness” onto others and then hinder their own assertiveness and leadership ability in the process.

Each Enneagram style also becomes an easy target for certain kinds of projections by others, akin to a fly to flypaper. For example, Ones get projected on as a critical parent, Fours get overly-emotional projections, and Eights get projections of power. Groups also get projections from others. Women get projections that are different from men, even though many women and men do not fit these stereotypes. The same is true for racial groups. We call this stereotyping -- they are fundamentally group-level projections.

Now to social orders, psychological affinity groups, and spiritual or religious orders; how many times do we hear this: We are good; they are bad. We are going to heaven, and the rest will go elsewhere. We are the true school of the Enneagram (or any psychological or spiritual school), while the others teach falsehoods. With all projections – whether individual to individual or group to group – the projection hurts the target of the projection, which is either the intention of the projection or an unintended, but predictable, consequence. Ultimately, however, the projection hurts the projector even more than the target, keeping them from the truth about themselves.

Gema de la Rosa, my colleague and friend from Spain, sent me this quote from Richard Rohr on the projection of evil:

"Once you have learned to discern the disguised nature of evil, you will be able to recognize that both perfection and imperfection are everywhere—everything is broken and fallen: weak and poor, you and me, your marriage, your children... Now you can start accepting things in their broken, faulty state. You will not be so constantly disappointed, and think people have let you down because they are not perfect. Nor do you have to wait for things to be perfect to fall in love with them.... When you see things non-dually, in their wholeness, and do not split between the false "totally good" and “totally bad,” you will grow up spiritually and begin to live honestly and wisely in this world." 
– Richard Rohr

My Experience Part 2 | Claudio Naranjo’s Ennea-type Symposium 2012 | Brazil

I’m writing from the conference itself on day 5 of a 5-day conference, wanting as best I can to give those of you reading this a sense of the experience. First, the location, event structure, and participant mix.

The location, Brasilia, is a city I still know nothing about and have not seen because the conference site is 30+ minutes from the city in a residential conference center where everyone (350+ people) eat, sleep, and attend large sessions and small group events. The food is quite plentiful and good, the rooms have balconies, and it is quite warm here. Most people are room sharing (4-5 people per room), but I requested my own (and am paying extra) because I am noise sensitive and can’t sleep when anyone snores. What I didn’t consider is that this is a very social group that talks a great deal, likes to party, and stays up late. So at night, the noise carries from both the music outside (party time) and the central congregation area of the site. All this ceases between 1 and 2 AM. Needless to say, I am sleep-deprived, but still going.

The conference structure (and there is one) is, as they say here, “flexible and fluid.”  Others might describe it as non-visible, constantly changing, and hard to decipher. The mornings start at 10:00 AM, except when they start earlier. Lunch is sometimes after the morning sessions end (which is really in the afternoon, somewhere between 1:30 and 2:30), and the afternoon sessions start somewhere between 3:30 and 4:00 and end somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30. Sometimes there are evening sessions that start at 10 PM, but sometimes they start earlier.

Claudio is here all the time – he always leads the not-so early morning sessions, first with a meditation (I love his meditations) and then with some information or by calling subtype groups to the stage and getting reports from them regarding their “therapy sessions” that have been occurring 2 to 3 times per day. These “therapy” sessions are always in subtype groups led by a therapist versed in the Enneagram, Gestalt, and often family constellations work, but sometimes these therapy groups are really discussion groups, with a topic given by Claudio. When these therapy sessions are indeed “therapy” sessions, a person volunteers and the therapist works with that person, enlisting others as needed. Most people go to some of these. While Claudio is around all the time, we are almost always in groups, so we have very little time learning directly from him. In general, he seems pretty content.

During other session times (and sometimes during “therapy” session time), we get several choices of workshops. These other sessions (and the food) have been my favorite part of being here. One session I attended was a movement/mask experience in which we learned how to embody various mask personas using masks created by master craftspeople. With expert instruction, a superb design, and exercises reminiscent of theater games, we were transformed. The value? It is about completely owning parts of ourselves, using masks, energy, and movement as the vehicle.

My other favorite session was led by Rafael Ruiz y Garcia from Mexico City on Gurdjieff dance. Although it is called “dance” (probably because it involves movement and music), it is really more a sequence of physical body positions, one for each type, that create an extreme physical experience of the character of each type. But there is more. The process makes you have undivided, focused attention among several elements simultaneously. For example, you have to count in a non-sequential order at the same time as you stay completely aligned and center, all the while moving sequentially from one type position to the next. And while all this is occurring, the leader is shouting irrelevant distractions at everyone to, well, distract you (which you are not supposed to be). It is really hard to do, but so worthwhile.

If you could follow the above two paragraphs, this next one will be easy. Of the 350+ participants, 99.9% are SAT graduates or current participants who have not completed their SAT work. SAT is the name of Claudio’s lengthy, intensive sessions that occur in 4 sequential parts. Maybe three of us (including me) have never been through SAT. Most speak Portuguese (we are, after all, in Brazil), many speak Spanish (participants from Spain but also Mexico, as well as Central and South America). There is also a large Italian contingent here. Then, there are 5-6 native English speakers.

Many participants who speak Portuguese also speak Spanish, but not Italian or English. Many Spanish speakers speak neither Portuguese nor Italian, but do speak some English. A few of the Italians speak English (sort of), some speak Spanish, and few speak Portuguese. Of the native English speakers, two speak Spanish (sort of); one speaks Portuguese fluently, and then there’s Louise from Australia who speaks Australian English. Although she’s 26 years younger than I am, the age difference doesn’t seem to matter very much. We hang out together and are enjoying it.

As you can imagine, given the semi-structure (which I sort of like in some ways), combined with the lack of many people fluent in English, I feel like I’m always trying to find out what time something starts, where I’m supposed to be, and whether I can find someone to translate for me. Matthias, a young man fluent in Portuguese, Spanish, English, Italian, and German, has been given the role of English translator, but he is also coordinating many other things, and I feel constantly guilty always asking him what to do and where to go. In general, he is patient, but he is very tired now.

Now that the context and more has been covered in the blog, I will turn to my own challenges covered in the first blog written before I left for the symposium, starting in the reverse order from my first blog. 

Challenge 3 | what to wear 
Oddly, I put very little time and energy into what to pack (really, what to wear), and what I’ve worn has been fine. Almost everything I brought has been well utilized, fine for the weather and personal comfort, and I do not stick out as if mis-dressed for the occasion. Most people are wearing, shorts, tank tops, sandals, long skirts, and lightweight pants. There is one woman (a 1-1 Four) who wears the most beautiful and tasteful pants and tops. Other than her, fashion and style do not seem to be very important in this subculture. 

Challenge 2 | going it alone 
I have been alone quite a bit (in a sleeping room alone, at breaks or lunch sometimes, not having people to converse with due to language). On the other hand, many people have been very friendly, several have tried to speak English with me, and I have had some rewarding conversations/interactions with multiple people who are new to me. In particular, there have been two young male (26-29) business consultants who have been delightful, two different women my age who have been great fun, and the lovely Four mentioned earlier. These are all in addition to Louise from Australia and several great women and men from my social subtype Two group. One of them is so lovely that even though she speaks English, she began a very long conversation with me in pure Portuguese, forgetting completely that I speak no Portuguese whatsoever. I took this as a compliment. Over time, I am understanding both Spanish and Italian much better, having studied them both years ago, but Portuguese is a big challenge. 

Challenge 1| the session(s) 
My sessions were the most perplexing part of the conference (and the most illuminating). My big session for all 350+ people was done on day 3. I had 1.5 hours, was fully prepared, and the topic was exactly what Claudio requested from me: how the Enneagram is being used in organizations and with what results. I chose (with Claudio’s approval) to share the 2011 Best Practices Report results because it covered 20 countries (so it wasn’t US-based only), 72 companies from a wide array of industries, and it gave a clear “how to” in terms of strategies to use and applications to suggest to clients. Even more, it went far beyond just my work alone, which was very important to me.

With a few power points (5 in all in 4 languages) and an easy-to-read handout, also in 4 languages, I was ready. While presenting, I felt calm, centered, energetic, warm, and very present. I also used stories and anecdotes. All was good, really good, until the first question from the audience, which was something like this (and this is a paraphrase, but close): Since all corporations are evil, and the people who lead them are also evil, why should we be doing any work in organizations at all? 

I was really surprised by this question, which was really a statement. What I was thinking was this: Wow!?! Do you really think that all organizations are evil as well as their leaders? And even if you don’t like for-profit organizations, didn’t you hear me say in the beginning to think of this report as about organizations, not just for-profits – for example, non-profits, schools, religious institutions, and any congregation of places where people do ongoing, work together? What about when Claudio spoke about the importance of moving the Enneagram outward to increase global consciousness? What about when I said that organizations are the places where people meet and so it is an excellent way to help “distribute” the Enneagram? 

But what I answered was something like this: Well, there are all kinds of organizations; some do some bad things; some do some great things; and there are organizations in between. But the ones that are open to the Enneagram need our help in being more conscious, as do the people in them. Then I talked a little more about making sure that when we do the Enneagram work, we ourselves to it with the highest integrity, etc. And then the time was up.

The net result was complex, to say the least: on one hand, all 50 copies of the full report I had brought were gobbled up like candy and many, many people wanted more, so I referred them to my website for downloading. About 20 people climbed onto the stage to ask me questions and look at my books and training tools.

On the other hand, I could feel very strongly that many, many people there really believed exactly what the questioner had asked and took it a step further: that organizations are evil, that the leaders in them are also bad if not evil, and that anyone who consults to an organization, especially with the Enneagram, is also an evil doer. It was such a strong vibe from many (not all) that this was a big challenge for me: to not take it personally, to not get defensive, to not withdraw (since I am sensitive to negative energy thrust my way), and to not get mad (as in “I came all this way and did all this work to be told directly and indirectly that the work I am doing is evil and I am evil). I am not making this up!  Later that day and in the days after, multiple people – people in the conference who are leaders, coaches, consultants or who want to bring more consciousness to business – came up to me asking for much more information on very specific how to’s, but also mentioned (and in a way apologized) for the “evil” attribution to the organizational Enneagram and to me as its messenger.

What I learned thus far, directly from people here who wanted to talk about it (and there is certainly more coming), is that the idea that organizations are the evil empire is a subtext in the system. The fact that I am an American was a minor theme (the stereotype that we’re all into money), particularly in the Brazilian culture. In Brazil, I was later told, they like small stories, very personal. They might have liked a story about how one person in a business setting was transformed. I gave the big story of transforming systems, given with smaller real examples. I was also told (by men) that it would have been worse had I been male (as in macho competition) and the fact that I had such easy stage presence made it very attractive to some, but may have been threatening to others.

What about my 2^nd session, the one on the Enneagram and conflict that Claudio wanted and said to the conference coordinator to make sure to schedule the afternoon of my general session? It never happened. This is the session I also asked the coordinator about multiple times: where and when would it occur. Well, I knew from the start she would not schedule it. She said she just kept forgetting to tell people or didn’t know she was supposed to, then eventually said I could do it at 8 AM the following morning. That was not going to work for me: there was no time to announce it or post it and these early morning events are supposed to be stretching and long meditation-type sessions. In addition, I had been unable to fall asleep before 2 AM each night due to the noise. So I let it go.

On night 4, when Claudio and I had a short chat about my general presentation, he said he was really unhappy that my smaller session had never been scheduled because he had asked the coordinator multiple times to do so. He also said he really liked the information I shared in the general session, mentioning that while he didn’t have great hopes for mega-corporations to change, my session gave him more hope in the change potential for the less-than-large ones.

And for the evil empire that is the Enneagram’s use in organizations, he said he hoped I could “steal” some of his people to do this work. I told him that I’m working on it. Many of these wonderful people have already approached me about what they are doing, how they can learn more, and who they can connect with in different languages to bring the Enneagram more into the word of organizations.

My trip wasn’t really what I had hoped or expected given the deep and widespread resistance to using the Enneagram in organizations, particularly the attributions of evil. One woman told me that prior to my session, she had surrounded herself with incense and candles to protect her from this evil. But once she was exposed to my session and discovered that I was a Gestalt-trained person and seemed ethical, she totally relaxed and wanted more.

It was a challenge for me as a Two to be in the midst of and be the target for the negativity, but I did manage to stay engaged and present. And I had some lovely conversations with Claudio, met some people with whom I will stay in touch. I had the experience I was supposed to have.

Insight | Being Enough

Gerry Fathauer, a Senior Member of the Enneagram in Business Network (EIBN), wrote the following Insight Activity on Being Enough – something each of us deal with in 9 different ways.

Being enough – or not – is a uniquely human condition. Our preoccupation with being enough impacts nearly every aspect of our lives. Curiously, no other species on earth gets to be concerned about being enough or not. Yet, for human beings, our preoccupation with being enough can determine our self-worth, our choice of profession, even our life partner. Whether we believe we are enough – or not – may not even be a conscious awareness. Even an unconscious concern about being enough can compromise our life force. 

Take a moment to come inside your body. Imagine every cell vibrating with knowing you are enough just as you are. Relax into this awareness of being enough. What is this sensate awareness like for you? Can you imagine yourself living from this place of being enough?

Memorize the sensate awareness of being enough. The next time you act from a sense of lack, practice returning to this awareness of being enough. Continue to practice this when you experience any sense of not being enough and open to any qualitative shift in your actions. 

It is in our true nature to be enough. Knowing we are enough and living this reality is life-affirming and in service to all.

*********

Feeling we are enough or Being Enough is directly related to the central paradox that goes with each enneatype. Essentially, what we most strive for (to feel we are enough) we can never really achieve because our Enneagram-based behavior gets in our way. To understand this concept more fully, this blog first covers the concept of paradoxes and then reviews the central paradox for each Enneagram style.

Paradoxes
Paradoxes are apparent contradictions that pose simultaneously frustrating and motivating dilemmas for each of us. An Enneagram-based paradox is this: You truly want something and believe that your behavior is designed to achieve that result. However, more often than not, your own behavior – particularly your behavior that results from your Enneagram character structure – is the primary impediment to the achievement of the desired goal. To work with your paradox, you first have to perceive it and name it – that is, to articulate what you most deeply want and then to understand how your own behavior actually gets in the way of that. Then, you have to figure out how to resolve this dilemma on your own.

Paradoxes for each Enneagram Style
Ones want to be accepted and valued without criticism, reservations, or conditions; however, they act so critically toward others that they push others away, and they are so self-critical that they would not really believe that someone else would value them without also judging them.

If you are a One, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Twos want to have their own desires materialize – for example, their desire to be appreciated and supported, to get rest, and to follow their own dream. However, they spend so much of their time and energy helping other people that they are often either unaware of what their own needs truly are or else downplay their desires, giving little indication to others that they, too, want something.
If you are a Two, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Threes want to be valued for who they are rather than just for what they do; however, because they try to create a positive image and share only what they achieve, no one really knows the person behind the persona.
If you are a Three, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Fours want to have deep and lasting connections with others, but their behavior frequently reflects their desire to feel different, unique, and separate. Fours engage in push-pull behavior when others get too close, and they often pull away entirely when they feel disappointed or rejected. All of these behaviors then cause others to pull away from them.
If you are a Four, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Fives want to experience life fully and to genuinely connect with other people; however, their stance of observing life from afar and their disconnection from their own feelings prevent them from fully engaging in life and developing deep connections with others.
If you are a Five, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Sixes want to have faith in themselves and to trust other people; however, they continually second-guess themselves, project their own concerns and suspicions onto others, and then behave in guarded and accusatory ways. This causes Sixes to distrust themselves and others, and it also causes others to become suspicious and guarded with the Six in return.
If you are a Six, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Sevens want to feel whole, complete, and totally okay about themselves; however, they avoid the behaviors that would ultimately make them feel settled, fully satisfied, and completely self-accepting – for example, staying focused on a task until it is complete, delving into feelings and thoughts in greater depth, and accepting pain as well as pleasure.
If you are a Seven, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Eights want to be accepted and supported completely for who they are, including their vulnerabilities. However, they act so strong, independent, and in charge that very few people ever see their softer, more vulnerable sides or their need for nurturance and affirmation.
If you are an Eight, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Nines want to be acknowledged and taken seriously; however, they act so easygoing and accede so readily to what others want that they don’t assert themselves, and others then discount what they have to say.

If you are a Nine, stay with this idea, then allow yourself to contemplate how you can resolve this dilemma.

Additional Information

More in-depth information on the paradoxes of each Enneagram style and how to work with this can be found in Ginger’s book, Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach (McGraw-Hill 2009).

Thanks to Frank Early, an Enneagrammer and manager at Genentech/Roche, for this wonderful graphic!