WORLDVIEW: The world lacks a bigger plan full of possibilities; I must generate these.
SEVENS crave the stimulation of new ideas, people, and experiences, avoid pain and discomfort, and create elaborate plans that allow them to keep all of their options open.
Spontaneous, charming (most of the time!), and multitasking to an extreme, Sevens are upbeat, energetic, and need to feel that they have all options possible open to them. Elaborate future planners – dreamers or visionaries may be more apt descriptors – Sevens generate enthusiasm, push boundaries, and avoid painful experiences by conjuring up new ideas, engaging with people or activities that excite them, and by rationalizing negative experiences through a positive reframing of events.
Sevens have difficulty focusing as their attention shifts from one idea, activity, or person to the next that grabs their interest – that is, unless they have seriously disciplined themselves and/or done a great deal of self-development work on learning to focus – but they also have a contagious sense of optimism and infinite possibilities. Some Sevens create extensive social networks, a kind of collective surrogate family that gives them the support to make the best of every opportunity; other Sevens restrain their desire to have everything as a way to sacrifice themselves in the service of the group; and still other Sevens are unabashed dreamers, looking to everything new to stimulate and excite them.
In the following YouTube segments, you will see short clips of two famous Sevens: Cameron Diaz and radio personality Howard Stern. These clips are excellent examples of the Seven’s interpersonal style. Fast talking and even faster thinking, with a mental process that moves 1000 miles per hour and jumps from topic to topic, most Sevens say what’s on their minds as soon as they think it. What may be loosely connected items to the rest of us (non-Sevens) are expressed in rapid fire, and their voices are filled with enthusiasm and energy.
Remember: While we can all be creative thinkers, enjoy the rush of adrenalin, and use rationalization as a way to both explain and excuse our behavior, for Sevens, the pursuit of pleasure and stimulation and the avoidance of pain and discomfort is their primary, persistent, and driving motivation.
Cameron Diaz - Click here to see clip
Soon after Diaz’s famous split with Justin Timberlake (who broke up with her in a highly publicized way), Ellen DeGeneres asks how she is doing post breakup. Listen as Diaz makes a clearly painful situation sound like the best thing that could happen to anyone, a great example of the Sevens' ability to use positive reframing in even the most difficult circumstances.
Howard Stern - Click here to see clip
David Letterman interviews radio host Howard Stern. Watch Stern’s physical movements and stream of consciousness monologues. Notice how Letterman has difficulty stepping into the conversation as Stern talks without appearing to pause or take a breath.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Enneagram and Service
This blog was inspired by Ruth Landis' insights about Service. You can read about how each of us, based on our Enneagram style, can be in true service, which affects our capacity to be all of what we are capable of being. Whether we are a leader, coach, consultant, trainer, parent, or friend, Service is central to being fully in the world.
Service Activity by Ruth Landis, Senior Member of The Enneagram in Business Network:
Service and Enneagram Styles
I’ve added the following to help us understand how our Enneagram styles can block our capacity to be in service and what we can each do to act from a place of true service.
Enneagram Style One
An obstacle to being in service: having too many items on your “to-do” lists to either have the time to engage in service or to take pleasure in the moments in which you offer service
To act from a place of true service, structure service into your life at regular intervals and when you are engaged in service, enjoy every moment of your actions rather than treating these moments as tasks to be completed.
Enneagram Style Two
An obstacle to being in service: misconstruing “giving” for true service
To act from a place of true service, take a very hard look at yourself when you are about to offer service and ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it to feel good about myself? What if they don’t want what I offer? Can I fully accept this without feeling bad about myself or the person who refused in any way? Can I engage in service from a place of true humility, not from a place where I feel better about myself or feel more worthy because I am doing it?
Enneagram Style Three
An obstacle to being in service: confusing the creation of an image of someone who does philanthropy with someone who offers true service without the need for recognition or status
To act from a place of true service, ask yourself: What if I offered or engaged in service and no one else knew about it? If your answer is that you would still do it and find great value for yourself, then you are on the path to true service. But if you would not feel as inclined to offer your help, then it is time to examine why you do what you do – that is, are you engaging in service primarily to gain social respect?
Enneagram Style Four
An obstacle to being in service: feeling taken advantage of when offering too much time and self in the service of something or someone
To act from a place of true service, notice and count the ways in which a voice in you arises that says this: What about me? There are two ways to understand this. One way is that you may have over-extended yourself because you do not really value your own pursuits; if so, work on setting clearer boundaries. The other way to understand this What about me? voice is that it is a deep voice in you that wants a great deal but never seems satisfied; if so, get to know that voice and what it really needs. When you feel more internally satisfied, it will be easier for you to offer true service.
Enneagram Style Five
An obstacle to being in service: maintaining a mindset of scarcity that causes you to withhold your resources
To act from a place of true service, recognize that scarcity is merely an idea; so is abundance. And when you give, give not only your money and ideas -- your time, feelings, engagement, and commitment matter just as much if not more.
Enneagram Style Six
An obstacle to being in service: pursuing service in support of your own need to belong or to fight for underdog causes, rather than for the act of service itself
To act from a place of true service, realize that when you strongly identify with a group that suffers, or when you want to fight the good fight on behalf of others, you can do a great deal of good; but true service is done without these attachments: it is done purely for the act of doing without the doer receiving secondary benefits.
Enneagram Style Seven
An obstacle to being in service: being able to continue with the service you are offering when it’s no longer exciting, new, and stimulating to you
To act from a place of true service, follow your heart and keep it open, and true service will come quite naturally to you. The challenge for you is to be stable, secure, and certain in your Heart Center.
Enneagram Style Eight
An obstacle to being in service: being fueled in your service by your need for justice, control, and to feel big, rather than offering service from a place of pure equality
To act from a place of true service, practice service in small ways, including actions that might be humbling to you. Instead of thinking large and acting big, serve with humble gratitude.
Enneagram Style Nine
An obstacle to being in service: going through the motions – even if doing so with pleasure – of providing service rather than being conscious and aware at every moment when you offer service
To act from a place of true service, when you do engage in service, stay awake, alert, and fully conscious in every action, thought, and feeling. True service can be transformative.
This is the fifth of a twelve part series titled “Enneagram Insights.”
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Enneagram Typing: a guest blog by Peter O’Hanrahan
Up Close With Enneagram Style Eight
In our attempt to understand the Enneagram, we create images in our minds of each of the nine types. It's how we learn, getting these categories down in our minds and associating people we know to these categories: what they look like, how they talk, what kind of feeling they evoke in us. The challenge is to keep open to new learning, which is not always easy. Maybe because the Enneagram is so important to us that we tend to get fixed (or fixated) in our opinions.
It never ceases to amaze me that people will come up to me at workshops that I teach and say: "You can't be an Eight; you're not angry enough!" Of course, I would prefer that they say, "You are unusual in my experience of Eights, unlike what I thought Eights would be." After all, I am the teacher with some 32 years of intense Enneagram self-work. I know what type I am, at least in this system. As we say over and over again, it ain't the external behavior, it's the internal character structure and motivation. (And it's not the facial characteristics or body posture, either.)
Now it's true that sometimes a person’s type just shouts out at us. Even a person walking down the street can signal so much through their body language. We can honor our impressions while not assuming we can be 100% certain (if you are really good, think 49%). When I first attended the Palmer/Daniels training program in 1991, I had been teaching the Enneagram for 10 years. I thought I was great at typing people, reading their bodies and attitudes, etc. What I discovered was that I was right only half the time (pretty good actually since there are nine types), but if I wanted to get to greater accuracy, I had to interview people at length about how they think and feel on the inside. In my experience with the EPTP typing interview protocol, 5 out of 10 people are pretty straightforward, 4 out of 10 are challenging but you can get there, and with 1 out of 10, you just can't pin it down. Ultimately people have to discover the type for themselves. Yes, it's frustrating when some pick what we think is the "wrong" type. We just want to tell them, convince them otherwise. But we have to offer our opinion in a very respectful way. Having been spectacularly wrong with a number of people, I have learned to be more careful, both for their benefit and my own pride.
I teach regularly in China where people are pretty new to the Enneagram, and I find a lot of stereotyping. Not only that, but they will argue very loudly, even at times yelling at people on panels (until I re-direct them). Great enthusiasm; poor knowledge base. They say, “It's about the way people dress!” For example, they might say that if you are an attractive woman who dresses very well, then you must be a Three. One thing I can say about the young Chinese, they are very assertive! During introductions almost everyone vigorously shouts out their name and profession. You'd think there weren't any Twos, Fives, phobic Sixes or Nines in the room. By contrast in Brazil, so many people appear to be Sevens. Of course, they are not all Sevens; it's just a very Seven culture.
When I was a young Eight -- I'm thinking early 20's -- I was so angry and uptight that everywhere I went dogs would bark, small children would run to their mothers, and people would give me a wide berth. My purpose in life was revenge: against the church, the school system, and the political establishment (this was during the height of the Vietnam War). I was good at vengeance, or as I would have said, seeking justice and making trouble for unjust institutions and people. I drew the line at physical violence. This proved to be awful for my personal relationships and health, but it took a while for me to get this. Fortunately, I had loyal friends who called me in for an "intervention." Led by a type One, they said: "We love you, but you can't go on this way; you have to change." (Hey, it took eight of them to face me down, but it worked.) This, and the end of the war, started me on a path of healing which led to major changes in my character structure.
While I appreciate Sandra Maitri's notion that our true "soul child" is found at our heart point, and our personality type is some kind of compensatory structure, I have to disagree. I was born an Eight; I have the soul of an Eight; I come from a long line of Eights tracking back through Irish history to the Vikings. (A big thanks to the civilizing influence of the Celts.) I do have a Two heart point, and I have traveled there a lot. Being partnered with a Two for 10 years – plus being a counselor -- pulled me into that space to the point where I had many of the problems, as well as potentials, of Two. But eventually I integrated back to Eight, albeit with a much bigger heart center.
I don't get real mad at people who think I'm not an Eight, although I do feel that they are missing out on my story and my history of inner and outer work. Mostly I think they have a lot more to learn about the Enneagram types. As Bea Chestnut describes in her article, subtypes really make a difference. So do body types. As an Eight in a small body, and one who was regularly beaten at home and at school, I just didn’t have the physical confidence that I see in large-bodied Eights. As a good social subtype Eight, I started groups for strength and protection. After I was knocked around in a Rajneesh workshop in the late 70's, I started pumping iron and I'm 35 lbs bigger now! (In my revengeful way, I'd say the best guru is a dead guru, that way they can be rehabilitated like Rajneesh/Osho and can't screw things up with their own narcissism.)
You know, the really wonderful message of the Enneagram is that we are not locked into our type structure if we do the work. We can transform ourselves at a deep level! I know this personally from many years of being immersed in healing work, body therapy, and growth stuff. I'm just not the same angry guy I used to be; although I still get angry a lot, I know how to let it go. My 35 years of practice as a counselor also had profound affects. I learned to be quiet and receptive to others, giving them the space. This developed my Two, my Five and my Nine spaces. I'm sure that in another profession I would have come out differently. Early on I thought I'd be a lawyer; interesting to speculate how that would have affected my personality.
Have you ever met an introverted Seven, a warm-hearted Five, a happy Four? How about a gentle Eight or an assertive Two? Then you know there is plenty of variety within the types having to do with subtype, family and cultural backgrounds, and also levels of development. As we discuss other people's types, friends, family, and public figures, we can have strong opinions but at the same time we need to know that we don't always know. At least, it's been a good lesson for this Eight.
Peter O’Hanrahan is a seasoned Enneagram teacher, counselor, and business consultant with special expertise in the 27 Enneagram subtypes as well as somatics and the Enneagram. POhanrahan@aol.com
In our attempt to understand the Enneagram, we create images in our minds of each of the nine types. It's how we learn, getting these categories down in our minds and associating people we know to these categories: what they look like, how they talk, what kind of feeling they evoke in us. The challenge is to keep open to new learning, which is not always easy. Maybe because the Enneagram is so important to us that we tend to get fixed (or fixated) in our opinions.
It never ceases to amaze me that people will come up to me at workshops that I teach and say: "You can't be an Eight; you're not angry enough!" Of course, I would prefer that they say, "You are unusual in my experience of Eights, unlike what I thought Eights would be." After all, I am the teacher with some 32 years of intense Enneagram self-work. I know what type I am, at least in this system. As we say over and over again, it ain't the external behavior, it's the internal character structure and motivation. (And it's not the facial characteristics or body posture, either.)
Now it's true that sometimes a person’s type just shouts out at us. Even a person walking down the street can signal so much through their body language. We can honor our impressions while not assuming we can be 100% certain (if you are really good, think 49%). When I first attended the Palmer/Daniels training program in 1991, I had been teaching the Enneagram for 10 years. I thought I was great at typing people, reading their bodies and attitudes, etc. What I discovered was that I was right only half the time (pretty good actually since there are nine types), but if I wanted to get to greater accuracy, I had to interview people at length about how they think and feel on the inside. In my experience with the EPTP typing interview protocol, 5 out of 10 people are pretty straightforward, 4 out of 10 are challenging but you can get there, and with 1 out of 10, you just can't pin it down. Ultimately people have to discover the type for themselves. Yes, it's frustrating when some pick what we think is the "wrong" type. We just want to tell them, convince them otherwise. But we have to offer our opinion in a very respectful way. Having been spectacularly wrong with a number of people, I have learned to be more careful, both for their benefit and my own pride.
I teach regularly in China where people are pretty new to the Enneagram, and I find a lot of stereotyping. Not only that, but they will argue very loudly, even at times yelling at people on panels (until I re-direct them). Great enthusiasm; poor knowledge base. They say, “It's about the way people dress!” For example, they might say that if you are an attractive woman who dresses very well, then you must be a Three. One thing I can say about the young Chinese, they are very assertive! During introductions almost everyone vigorously shouts out their name and profession. You'd think there weren't any Twos, Fives, phobic Sixes or Nines in the room. By contrast in Brazil, so many people appear to be Sevens. Of course, they are not all Sevens; it's just a very Seven culture.
When I was a young Eight -- I'm thinking early 20's -- I was so angry and uptight that everywhere I went dogs would bark, small children would run to their mothers, and people would give me a wide berth. My purpose in life was revenge: against the church, the school system, and the political establishment (this was during the height of the Vietnam War). I was good at vengeance, or as I would have said, seeking justice and making trouble for unjust institutions and people. I drew the line at physical violence. This proved to be awful for my personal relationships and health, but it took a while for me to get this. Fortunately, I had loyal friends who called me in for an "intervention." Led by a type One, they said: "We love you, but you can't go on this way; you have to change." (Hey, it took eight of them to face me down, but it worked.) This, and the end of the war, started me on a path of healing which led to major changes in my character structure.
While I appreciate Sandra Maitri's notion that our true "soul child" is found at our heart point, and our personality type is some kind of compensatory structure, I have to disagree. I was born an Eight; I have the soul of an Eight; I come from a long line of Eights tracking back through Irish history to the Vikings. (A big thanks to the civilizing influence of the Celts.) I do have a Two heart point, and I have traveled there a lot. Being partnered with a Two for 10 years – plus being a counselor -- pulled me into that space to the point where I had many of the problems, as well as potentials, of Two. But eventually I integrated back to Eight, albeit with a much bigger heart center.
I don't get real mad at people who think I'm not an Eight, although I do feel that they are missing out on my story and my history of inner and outer work. Mostly I think they have a lot more to learn about the Enneagram types. As Bea Chestnut describes in her article, subtypes really make a difference. So do body types. As an Eight in a small body, and one who was regularly beaten at home and at school, I just didn’t have the physical confidence that I see in large-bodied Eights. As a good social subtype Eight, I started groups for strength and protection. After I was knocked around in a Rajneesh workshop in the late 70's, I started pumping iron and I'm 35 lbs bigger now! (In my revengeful way, I'd say the best guru is a dead guru, that way they can be rehabilitated like Rajneesh/Osho and can't screw things up with their own narcissism.)
You know, the really wonderful message of the Enneagram is that we are not locked into our type structure if we do the work. We can transform ourselves at a deep level! I know this personally from many years of being immersed in healing work, body therapy, and growth stuff. I'm just not the same angry guy I used to be; although I still get angry a lot, I know how to let it go. My 35 years of practice as a counselor also had profound affects. I learned to be quiet and receptive to others, giving them the space. This developed my Two, my Five and my Nine spaces. I'm sure that in another profession I would have come out differently. Early on I thought I'd be a lawyer; interesting to speculate how that would have affected my personality.
Have you ever met an introverted Seven, a warm-hearted Five, a happy Four? How about a gentle Eight or an assertive Two? Then you know there is plenty of variety within the types having to do with subtype, family and cultural backgrounds, and also levels of development. As we discuss other people's types, friends, family, and public figures, we can have strong opinions but at the same time we need to know that we don't always know. At least, it's been a good lesson for this Eight.
Peter O’Hanrahan is a seasoned Enneagram teacher, counselor, and business consultant with special expertise in the 27 Enneagram subtypes as well as somatics and the Enneagram. POhanrahan@aol.com
Monday, May 3, 2010
Enneagram Typing: Up Close and Personal
After writing about typing, mistyping, and stereotyping and asking Bea Chestnut to guest blog on the topic of Enneagram typing and the Enneagram subtypes, I decided to get up close and personal about why this topic matters so much to me.
There are people in the Enneagram community who seem to engage in indirect speculation that I can’t possibly be an Enneagram Two. I almost never hear this from anyone directly; it is almost always through another person who knows me well and gets annoyed or incensed on my behalf, then eventually mentions it to me. Why do people discredit the idea that I am a Two?
“She’s too successful and forward moving.” [Aha, she’s a Three]
“She has too much personal energy to be a Two.” [Aha, she’s an Eight]
”She’s not as warm, loving, and flattering as Twos are supposed to be.” [Oh, she can’t be a Two]
”She has very high standards.” [Aha, she must be a One]
Of course, these are usually people who don’t know me personally and thus have a limited frame of reference, yet they are so sure they are correct. At first, I was amused. As it continues, I feel more annoyed. Why do people care so much about this? What makes them so sure that they know my type accurately and I do not?
Upon first exposure to the Enneagram, I thought I was a Four, and although Helen Palmer wasn’t so sure about this, it seemed the best fit. After working with style Four development activities for 10 years, the Enneagram Four issues seemed to be melting away. Then in 2003, I met Claudio Naranjo. Over a dinner, I asked him this: “I’ve always thought I was a Four; what do you think?”
As his hand stroked his very long beard, Claudio said: “No, not a Four. You are too consistently warm – not the unpredictable warm-retracted Four dynamic – and you have an essentially sunny outlook. Plus, most Fours have a deep reservoir of anger, and I don’t sense that from you. Maybe a Two?”
The idea I might be a Two shocked me, and I had a panic attack. Not knowing much about social subtype Twos and having met only a few of them, I had not identified with style Two. My high level of discomfort and anxiety, which I rarely feel, got my attention that I needed to seriously consider that I might be a Two. I had never had this experience when I thought I was a Four.
Still highly anxious, I asked my then “boyfriend,” also an Enneagram teacher, if he would still love me if I were a Two. His answer, a good one: “I love a person, not a number.”
I asked my then 11-year old son – who has known the Enneagram well since he was six years-old and is an ace at typing people – what he thought, and this was his reply: “Mom, you may be a Four in the world, but you’re a Two to me.” As more panic set in, I saw my whole life in front of me like a movie. The child who had been free-spirited and happy and then… at age four, the trouble started.
Without going into great detail about the trouble, let me just say that I experienced just about every level of trauma possible from the time I was four until I left home at 18. Most of it was directed at me; some of it came more forcefully toward my siblings. At the center of it was my mother, a borderline personality with the charm and attractiveness of a movie star and the potency to create dysfunction wherever she went.
The Two child in me would literally not have survived in that household, and so it became clear that I retreated into a solitary place in the Enneagram; in Enneagram style Four, I could be alone, feel some feelings in a safe-enough environment, engage in philosophical pondering which was, in the end, my salvation. When I married in my early 20s, I became a battered wife; in the early 1970s, few people were aware of this issue. My then-husband once told me, “I love you so much, but if you stay with me, either I will kill you or you will kill yourself.”
This was my wake-up call, one that led me to pursue modern therapy, learn to be a Gestalt therapist myself, and engage in every development path that seemed fruitful; Rolfing, Psychosynthesis, the arts, tai chi, meditation, ashrams in India, and more. My colleague and friend Bea Chestnut refers to people who have engaged in serious and productive self-development work as “well-processed” and those who have not as “not processed.” In this latter category are people who have the knowledge and do the activities, but don’t seem to grow and transform from them. I always laugh when she says this, but wonder at times if I might be “over-processed.”
I am not perfect, that is not my pursuit, and I never think about it (no, not a One); I don’t like goals very much, have had one or two over my whole life that got quickly eliminated as something more powerful arose in it’s place, plus I really dislike marketing even though it has to be done (no, not a Three); and I don’t like conflict very much, will engage in it if I have to – which is seldom – and while I am intrigued by observing power dynamics, I rarely get into power and control issues with people. My current personal work has more to do with not repressing my anger than learning to manage its expression (no, not an Eight).
I’m more of a free spirit at heart, identifying more with a butterfly or a hummingbird than a bear or an oak tree. There are other teachers in the Enneagram community about whom people like to speculate. Take Peter O’Hanrahan, who many people say can’t be an Eight because he appears so mellow and never seems angry. For those who speculate, I make this suggestion: talk to Peter directly and let him explain. And learn more about social subtype Eights with a Nine wing and a link to arrow Five. And learn more about Peter from Peter, not from your idea of Peter.
To end with a story: In a client group during a typing session, a man identified himself as an Enneagram Eight, but he had the highest voice I’d ever heard from a man, much less an Eight male, whose voices usually come from deep their belly center. At the break, we went aside, and I said this: “You identify as an Eight, yet most Eights I know have deep voices that come from low in their bodies. Yours is much higher. There may be a reason from your background and experience that explains your higher voice, though there is no need to tell me this story.” He said, “There is a reason!” We both smiled and left it at that.
Thanks to Bea Chestnut, Senior Member of the Enneagram in Business Network (EIBN), for her guest blog on typing, stereotyping and subtypes.
And to Peter O’Hanrahan, Enneagram teacher and Senior Member of the EIBN, who will be writing the next guest blog on the topic of Enneagram typing.
There are people in the Enneagram community who seem to engage in indirect speculation that I can’t possibly be an Enneagram Two. I almost never hear this from anyone directly; it is almost always through another person who knows me well and gets annoyed or incensed on my behalf, then eventually mentions it to me. Why do people discredit the idea that I am a Two?
“She’s too successful and forward moving.” [Aha, she’s a Three]
“She has too much personal energy to be a Two.” [Aha, she’s an Eight]
”She’s not as warm, loving, and flattering as Twos are supposed to be.” [Oh, she can’t be a Two]
”She has very high standards.” [Aha, she must be a One]
Of course, these are usually people who don’t know me personally and thus have a limited frame of reference, yet they are so sure they are correct. At first, I was amused. As it continues, I feel more annoyed. Why do people care so much about this? What makes them so sure that they know my type accurately and I do not?
Upon first exposure to the Enneagram, I thought I was a Four, and although Helen Palmer wasn’t so sure about this, it seemed the best fit. After working with style Four development activities for 10 years, the Enneagram Four issues seemed to be melting away. Then in 2003, I met Claudio Naranjo. Over a dinner, I asked him this: “I’ve always thought I was a Four; what do you think?”
As his hand stroked his very long beard, Claudio said: “No, not a Four. You are too consistently warm – not the unpredictable warm-retracted Four dynamic – and you have an essentially sunny outlook. Plus, most Fours have a deep reservoir of anger, and I don’t sense that from you. Maybe a Two?”
The idea I might be a Two shocked me, and I had a panic attack. Not knowing much about social subtype Twos and having met only a few of them, I had not identified with style Two. My high level of discomfort and anxiety, which I rarely feel, got my attention that I needed to seriously consider that I might be a Two. I had never had this experience when I thought I was a Four.
Still highly anxious, I asked my then “boyfriend,” also an Enneagram teacher, if he would still love me if I were a Two. His answer, a good one: “I love a person, not a number.”
I asked my then 11-year old son – who has known the Enneagram well since he was six years-old and is an ace at typing people – what he thought, and this was his reply: “Mom, you may be a Four in the world, but you’re a Two to me.” As more panic set in, I saw my whole life in front of me like a movie. The child who had been free-spirited and happy and then… at age four, the trouble started.
Without going into great detail about the trouble, let me just say that I experienced just about every level of trauma possible from the time I was four until I left home at 18. Most of it was directed at me; some of it came more forcefully toward my siblings. At the center of it was my mother, a borderline personality with the charm and attractiveness of a movie star and the potency to create dysfunction wherever she went.
The Two child in me would literally not have survived in that household, and so it became clear that I retreated into a solitary place in the Enneagram; in Enneagram style Four, I could be alone, feel some feelings in a safe-enough environment, engage in philosophical pondering which was, in the end, my salvation. When I married in my early 20s, I became a battered wife; in the early 1970s, few people were aware of this issue. My then-husband once told me, “I love you so much, but if you stay with me, either I will kill you or you will kill yourself.”
This was my wake-up call, one that led me to pursue modern therapy, learn to be a Gestalt therapist myself, and engage in every development path that seemed fruitful; Rolfing, Psychosynthesis, the arts, tai chi, meditation, ashrams in India, and more. My colleague and friend Bea Chestnut refers to people who have engaged in serious and productive self-development work as “well-processed” and those who have not as “not processed.” In this latter category are people who have the knowledge and do the activities, but don’t seem to grow and transform from them. I always laugh when she says this, but wonder at times if I might be “over-processed.”
I am not perfect, that is not my pursuit, and I never think about it (no, not a One); I don’t like goals very much, have had one or two over my whole life that got quickly eliminated as something more powerful arose in it’s place, plus I really dislike marketing even though it has to be done (no, not a Three); and I don’t like conflict very much, will engage in it if I have to – which is seldom – and while I am intrigued by observing power dynamics, I rarely get into power and control issues with people. My current personal work has more to do with not repressing my anger than learning to manage its expression (no, not an Eight).
I’m more of a free spirit at heart, identifying more with a butterfly or a hummingbird than a bear or an oak tree. There are other teachers in the Enneagram community about whom people like to speculate. Take Peter O’Hanrahan, who many people say can’t be an Eight because he appears so mellow and never seems angry. For those who speculate, I make this suggestion: talk to Peter directly and let him explain. And learn more about social subtype Eights with a Nine wing and a link to arrow Five. And learn more about Peter from Peter, not from your idea of Peter.
To end with a story: In a client group during a typing session, a man identified himself as an Enneagram Eight, but he had the highest voice I’d ever heard from a man, much less an Eight male, whose voices usually come from deep their belly center. At the break, we went aside, and I said this: “You identify as an Eight, yet most Eights I know have deep voices that come from low in their bodies. Yours is much higher. There may be a reason from your background and experience that explains your higher voice, though there is no need to tell me this story.” He said, “There is a reason!” We both smiled and left it at that.
Thanks to Bea Chestnut, Senior Member of the Enneagram in Business Network (EIBN), for her guest blog on typing, stereotyping and subtypes.
And to Peter O’Hanrahan, Enneagram teacher and Senior Member of the EIBN, who will be writing the next guest blog on the topic of Enneagram typing.
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